Dave Barry

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. ”

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ”

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. ”

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.' ”

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland. ”

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. ”

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers. ”

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. ”

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin. ”

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. ”