Ali Wong

I think feminism is the worst thing that ever happened to women. Our job used to be no job. We had it so good! ”

I have a hoarding problem because my mom is from a third-world country. And she taught me that you can never throw away anything because you never know when a dictator is going to overtake the country and snatch all of your wealth. ”

I didn't expect to be so comfortable handing my child off to a nanny without getting any of her information. As soon as she arrived at my house, I threw my baby in her arms and went to Target. ”

You become like a vampire when you're pregnant: your senses are so sensitive, and your emotions are so heightened - that helps with performance because you really feel things. ”

A lot of people get into stand-up as a back door into acting or something. But I really like writing jokes and telling jokes. ”

It's very rare that stand-up comics have kids, because once they do, they stop doing stand-up. ”

Whenever I feel mom-guilt, or I feel pressure to be a better mom - to cook salmon on a bed of quinoa for my kids - I just think to myself, 'I... have... suffered... enough.' And then I feel fine about feeding my toddler a bag of chips for dinner. ”

It's unfair to the hard-core stay-at-home moms to pretend you're able to have an amazing body by chasing around your kids. ”

In order to be the best comic, you have to perform in a wide diversity of rooms. ”

People are always very surprised by how, offstage with my husband, I'm a completely different person... very soft and nurturing. ”