Adam Carolla

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it. ”

If the media isn't slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin? ”

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were. ”

You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself. ”

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor. ”

If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place. ”

Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff. ”

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds. ”

I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around. ”

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs. ”