Adam Carolla

I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women. ”

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life. ”

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn't imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I'm gone for six days it feels like too much. ”

I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age. ”

If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!' ”

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money... and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn't very good at it. ”

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average. ”

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality. ”

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.' ”

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything. ”