Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.

I don't use the voice of Bart when I'm making love to my husband, but Marge's voice turns him on a little.

Since September 11, security has been increased everywhere, and we have new IDs to get on to the Fox lot. I drove to the security gate, but realized I'd left my ID in my other car. I just broke into that voice - 'Hey, man, I'm Bart Simpson. Who else sounds like this?' The guard waved me through.

The fundamental laws of physics do not describe true facts about reality. Rendered as descriptions of facts, they are false; amended to be true, they lose their explanatory force.

You have to be highly intelligent to get away with a dumb joke. That takes a pretty smart fella.

I will make a joke about any of my family members, about me, about my wife, if I really thought that I'm doing it to be funny. If there's some darkness to it, or I think it's ill-willed or mean or not cool, then I won't do it.

I feel blessed to be able to do my stand up comedy all over the world, because some people never even leave New York.

Personally, I'm a fan of comedy movies that I can watch with my friends and family.