I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

Government can contribute to a shared sense of purpose on the part of the citizenry; that's its highest and best application.

I'm still a conservative, you know, someone who believes in limited government and balanced budgets and the Constitution.

I adore my family. I don't love their politics. I think they're wonderful parents. They were dreadful at parenting.

I don't think that voters should be fixated on public policy. In a healthy republic, they wouldn't have to worry every waking hour about what their government is doing.