George Carlin

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. ”

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. ”

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. ”

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? ”

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. ”

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they? ”

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. ”

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. ”

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. ”

Electricity is really just organized lightning. ”