Artie Lange

It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world. ”

Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut. ”

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time. ”

I got into comedy so I could stay out all night. ”

To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor. ”

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. ”

Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot. ”

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Like, if Jerry Seinfeld wasn't funny, you'd want to punch him in the face; he'd just seem like a whiner to you. But the fact is that he's funny. ”

I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is. ”

Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer. ”