Artie Lange

It's weird because standup can be like therapy. Comedians can't be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We've got to figure out a way to do it on stage. ”

You know you're on stage being the life of the party and trying to get laughs, and then, in a lot of ways, you don't have anything to give once you give it to the people. ”

The road is a lonely place, and that sounds like a cliche, you know, like what is my life? ”

Only when you're in that ditch, lying there in the muddy runoff you've made of your life, gazing up at the peak you fell from, do you truly know how small you are and understand how tall you used to be. ”

It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this. ”

I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life. ”

Whiskey will always be a part of my life. ”

All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once you're laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what I'm saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred. ”

Richard Lewis is the master at taking a joke that he's told a million times in a row in the past year, on the road, and making it look like he's pulling it out of thin air. ”

Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that. ”