Amy Sedaris

I'd just much rather see an ugly person take the trash out than see somebody really pretty taking the trash out. ”

There's humor in everything. There's gotta be humor in everything. ”

Gay guys know how to craft, and they craft really well. Straight guys, forget it. ”

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. ”

Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it's this new arts channel, it's really great. ”

You think in a different way when you don't have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use your imagination to come up with stuff. ”

My kitchen's pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it's eye level - it's true! - and my phone, so I can reach it when I fall, it's right there. ”

I wasn't a cliquey person, and I think that's because I came from a large family. I got along with everybody, and I usually got along with the people that people didn't like. ”

I think it's still kind of weird to memorize a line, because you're supposed to 'be' this person, you know? So then its like, if I'm really this person, how can I be in the moment if I know there's just one line I'm supposed to say? It doesn't feel natural. I always just kind of want to say whatever comes up. ”

I want witchcraft so bad that I can't stand it. I have wands in my apartment. And I use them sometimes. I walk into the kitchen with my wand, and I come out with something on a platter and I say, 'See, magic happens.' Works every time. ”