Ambrose Bierce

Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. ”

Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced. ”

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. ”

Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue. ”

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. ”

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. ”

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. ”

Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions. ”

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. ”

Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. ”