Adam Carolla

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that. ”

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was? ”

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why. ”

I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care. ”

The very definition of 'beauty' is outside. ”

I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other. ”

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff. ”

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way. ”

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine. ”

I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time. ”