Ed O'Neill

I was never a joke teller. I don't even like jokes, for the most part. I don't like to hear them, and rarely can I even remember one.

I was adrift for a while. I worked as a substitute teacher; I sold cars.

I was with the Steelers, and I got cut, and I remember, when I left, I was relieved.

I was very slender and small. All my friends were on the team, so I had to make it too. I was a very aggressive player. I wanted to be one of the best, but I just ended up as one of the good ones.

I knew I was a good stage actor but I had no idea about movies. And I wasn't a Paul Newman type of guy. That's why I thought the stage is just right for me.

My paternal grandfather worked in the mill all his life. My father worked in the mill almost his whole life. I worked in the mill while I was going to college in the summers. And then, for one stretch, I quit school and worked one year.

I used to be a wonderful auditioner. When I was living in New York, I'd audition every day. And I like to audition. But then it got to a point where I didn't like it anymore.

Comedy is not easy to do - where you make someone laugh out loud in their living room.

I always found that drama, really good drama, has a lot of comedy in it.

I'd loved to wear jeans and t-shirts, but everybody was in the peace movement back then. And that was my ploy. I had to be careful not to say things like 'I like meat.' Actually I just wanted to drink beer and to screw.

Never in my life have I thought, 'What's next?' It's just like 'Finding Dory.' Things just happen.

My father, he was a strong guy, a handsome guy, and a hard worker. I don't believe he ever missed a day of work in his life.