Dane Cook

As a comedian, I am obligated to tell you the truth, my truth. To share with you my beliefs, my perspective. And I think that we forget sometimes that that's the oath that comics take, that we will go up and share everything - the irreverent, the scary.

I'm completely ecstatic when a woman has own back story and brings something to the table and has a real strong kind of independence.

I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.

My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.

When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'

My mother had a lot of phobias. She's pregnant with me and she was a very phobic person. So I was born into phobia, basically.

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.

No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it's the worst... when you think you're drowning.

My nickname for my mom was 'The Compass.'