Craig Ferguson

If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.

I wanted to be a rock star.

I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck.

When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.

I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?' And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk.

It's like, it's kind of like if you ever had a car and it was a bit of a clunker but you love it, that's my show. It's a bit of a clunker but I know where everything is and I like it.

I try and live my life in bite-size chunks.

I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.

You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living.

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.

I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.