Bill Vaughan

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas.

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college.

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

People learn something every day, and a lot of times it's that what they learned the day before was wrong.

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day.