W. C. Fields

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?