Stephen Leacock

Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Writing is no trouble: you just jot down ideas as they occur to you. The jotting is simplicity itself - it is the occurring which is difficult.

A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better.

Golf may be played on Sunday, not being a game within the view of the law, but being a form of moral effort.

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

If every day in the life of a school could be the last day but one, there would be little fault to find with it.

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

Life, we learn too late, is in the living, the tissue of every day and hour.

It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.

It may be those who do most, dream most.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit.