Karl Pilkington

It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it.

I've never worried about life's big questions.

We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.'

I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed.

I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really.

I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.

I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage.

Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard.

Comedy's really subjective, you know.

If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented.

People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!

Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really.