Don Rickles

I've been to Philadelphia a lot of times over the years, playing the old Celebrity Room and most of the other clubs around there that don't exist anymore. ”

The highlight of my career was being at the inaugural gala of Ronald Reagan, and I owe that to Mr. Sinatra. ”

Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper. ”

I like to think I'm like the guy who goes to the office Christmas party Friday night, insults some people, but still has his job Monday morning. ”

When I walk down the street in New York, I swear to God, the building constructor, the guy pounding cement and what not, will yell, 'Hey, you hockey puck!' ”

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap. ”

I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people. ”

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? ”

Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend! ”

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket. ”