Colin Mochrie

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever. ”

The American audiences are more vocal and enthusiastic. British audiences tend to sit back a little more. ”

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine. ”

As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of it. The two shows that always make me laugh and are therefore my favourites are The Dick Van Dyke Show and Fawlty Towers. ”

I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money. ”

Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries. ”

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises. ”

There are so many things I'd like to change in the industry. Everything from the reliance of style over substance to their reluctance to hire me for big budget blockbusters, but the thing I would love most would be if they understood people don't have to be Hollywood beautiful to be sexy or interesting. ”

Onstage I do all the stuff I'd never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I've ever had. ”

As I get older, I'm trying to accept improvisation into my day-to-day living. ”