If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.

Any professional athlete who gets on TV or radio and says he never played with a gay guy is a stone-freakin' idiot.

I really like ESPN. They do a great job.

The Republicans always do a good job of dividing and conquering. They do a really good job of making black folks, poor white folks, and Hispanics not like each other.

My aunts told wonderful stories. Not to me, but to each other. We had a very strong family. My mother's sisters loved each other intensely. The uncles loved each other intensely.

If you write satire, the guilty pleasure these days is that there's just so much material about. On the other hand, if you have a family it can be depressing.

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

As a parent, you have to figure out how to shape your kid's character. You want to have human beings who learn about good character. You have to be able to see your child with clarity, see the good side and the bad side of them, and work on the bad side and make them better so they fulfill their potential.