If I'm not interested in a woman, I'm straight-forward. Right after sex, I usually say, 'I can't do this anymore. Thanks for coming over!'

I'm a Cubs fan. As a kid, the Cubs were my team.

I was a bed wetter till very late. My mom used to hang my sheets out the window to dry, and I'd have to run home from school in order to beat the other kids to my house so they wouldn't see them.

I enjoy going out by myself... always have, always will. I don't have security guards, and, for the most part, I enjoy meeting new people. I see myself as a regular guy who likes playing video games with his nieces and nephews and poker with his family. I don't have an art collection or take exotic vacations. I enjoy being at home.

Women, a lot of the time, are so much funnier than men, but they just choose not to do comedy for a living.

I never want readers to be comfortable, to feel like we're in a comedy or a drama. Life is never just one of those things. Life is a balance of all those things.

I pretty much only drink water, Tazo passion tea, or coffee with half and half, and it's an ongoing joke in the office that I never have less than three glasses of water and some form of tea or coffee in front of me.

A sense of humor saves your life, and being able to make friends wherever you go.