If Barbara Walters was interviewing me, I'd figure her career was as dead as mine!

I was well traveled, and I created this illusion of literacy through reading and writing. I wrote a book of short stories.

This generation should entertain this generation. It's only fair. When I was a kid, I mowed the lawn. Now, somebody else's kid can mow the lawn.

Young kids are doing the same thing I did, but they're doing it differently. They don't do brain surgery the way they used to do it either.

From my experience, I cannot doubt but that man, when lost to terrestrial consciousness, is indeed sojourning in another and uncorporeal life of far different nature from the life we know; and of which only the slightest and most indistinct memories linger after waking.

I was wrong to vote for this war. Unfortunately, I'll have to live with that forever. And the lesson I learned from it is to put more faith in my own judgment.

Thinking is not enough. There is no final enough of wisdom, experience - any... thing.

My first stand-up experience, like most comics, was horrible. I got booed offstage. I thought I was funnier than I was. But the walk from the back of the room to the stage was the most excited I'd ever been about anything in my life other than kissing a girl. That's how I knew I had to get back onstage and do it again.