Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.

One of the strangest experiences one can have is to sleep on stage, as I once did in Sydney when I'd lost the key to my flat. I had to stay at night in a bed, which conveniently was on stage because my character Sandy Stone did his monologue from a bed. To wake up looking at a shadowy auditorium is a very peculiar feeling.

When people laugh at me, they are not laughing in the way that they normally would at a comedian. They are laughing with relief, because the truth has been spoken, and political correctness has not strangled this particular gigastar.

Political correctness means nothing to me. Nothing. It's the new Puritanism, darling. Preventing us from expressing ourselves.

When you cut your life into a film - 90-some minutes of film - you end up taking snapshots and vignettes of the highlights of it - marriage, divorce, death, success, fame, loss. The up and the down and the up again.

I have had death threats from people with fixations.

I start the day with oatmeal with vanilla almond milk. If I don't, I'm dying by noon and eating everything in sight. On-set, I avoid crap and pack soup and salad. I cook pork chops or turkey tacos for dinner.

Even more than dying itself, I'm scared of the horror-movie changes that happen to the human body as it ages. I think of it as a sort of haunted-house effect, living inside a crumbling, creaking structure that is full of ghosts and will, some day, fall down.