The Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, the Civil War - when I really think about them, they all seem about as likely as the parting of the Red Sea.

I get younger people who watch Conan or The Daily Show, but before that it was mostly people who knew me from public radio. Those people are kind of old.

While I gave up God a long time ago, I never shook the habit of wanting to believe in something. So I replaced my creed of everlasting life with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

In death, you get upgraded into a saint no matter how much people hated you in life.

Art has two constant, two unending concerns: It always meditates on death and thus always creates life. All great, genuine art resembles and continues the Revelation of St John.

I've been watching 'Game of Thrones,' and I can't wait for 'Bored to Death' to come back, it's one of my faves.

Relationship humour gets the most laughs. If I'm able to get the women laughing, men will have to laugh along because they would be scared to death.

Make no mistake: Obamacare is a pro-death 'health' program.