Here's how I operate. When I see something I like, 20 years later, I ask her brother for her phone number. She don't even see me coming.

The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper.

I don't live under the illusion we don't need a military to protect this country.

The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really.

In television, there are so many things between you making a joke and the audience seeing it. It's like an assault course.

I have always felt a comedy's story is undercut if you have a villain who is not really menacing.

There's a fallacy with stand up comedy, which is, people come up to comedians, and they go, 'You say what I think but I'm not brave enough to say,' and that's not particularly true.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?