I have a very good memory for scripts. I can watch a show I like once, then remember about 90% of the script. But ask me who was in it, and I wouldn't have a clue.

Political correctness is as exploitable as any other progressive ideal, but its aim is to stifle the incessant noise of those who flap their careless lips without a thought about those they might offend and why that might be important.

The basic function of a comic is stand-up because it's so straightforward and simple. If the audience don't laugh, you didn't do your job. I've had some audiences where I didn't care if they laughed or not because they were either too drunk or stupid.

I'd rather be happy than right.

The Iron Dome system is a proven way for Israel to defend its citizens from hostile threats and will advance missile defense technology for us and other allies.

I swear on everything holy I do not know what's on the Internet about me.

One of my ongoing projects is to expand third-eye technology whereby two people can watch two different things on a screen or type in two different languages on the same surface - all they have to do is wear a pair of hi-tech glass spectacles.

There's no more record companies, so I have to get on the Internet and let people know the album is out there. I don't know if we're working for it, or if it's working for us.