I'm not looking for 'outer esteem' anymore, what they call 'other esteem.' I'm looking for self-esteem. And people think that self-esteem is built with accomplishments. And, 'Hey, look what I did in my life.'

The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because it's all in jest and all for fun.

I keep getting asked out by really young, good looking boys and really ugly lesbians. So, even if I wanted to jump onto the tuna boat, I wouldn't because I'm not getting high-class babes that I should get at this level of my career. And I always know the ugly ones are serious and that the good-looking ones are goofing on me.

I'm not ready to die yet. I have, like, 40 years left that I have to make up for all of the trouble I caused in my first 50 years.

When young women get called bossy, it's often because they're trying to exercise power without status. It's not a problem that they're being dominant; the backlash arises because they're overstepping their status.

I was considered the most progressive person the whole time I was in the legislature. I negotiated health care, I negotiated a minimum wage increase.

We need to work to repeal Obamacare and replace it with the kind of health care choices that the American people want. That doesn't include government-run health care.

I want to bust the stigma attached to alcoholism in our country. Women particularly are discouraged from seeking help because it's a matter of shame for the family. We don't share our pain or frailties; we cover our weaknesses, and it becomes a cancer.