Me and my sister made up a game called 'Milky Cow'. We were on holiday in France when I was 12, and there was a kid who had bovine features, and every time we went past her, we'd say, 'There's Milky Cow'.

I would spend a lot of time setting up an accident scene where it appeared that I had seriously hurt myself - hedge-cutter, ketchup, that sort of thing. When my sister happened upon the scene of horror, I would lift my head and pathetically plead for her to 'get Mum'.

If you're doing a job, and you secretly want to do a different job, you start to blame the job. I was blaming the teaching for that fact I wasn't performing. I really felt I needed to follow a comedy career.

There is nothing bad about this job. Comedians have nothing to complain about. That doesn't mean I'm not constantly moaning and worrying.

No child's dream should be limited by the quality, or lack thereof, of the education they receive.

My books are not generic. You know when you're reading a Joy Fielding book.

When I was a teacher, I definitely noticed bullying happening, and I noticed people choosing to be quiet when they should speak up. And so for me, as a teacher, it wasn't just about advocating for students who were being picked on but trying to teach the bystanders how to speak up and not be afraid.

We don't believe that you should ever replace physical education. Even in a thousand years, a computer will never be able to do so.