The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

I've been a fascinated observer of grand public funerals since I was a kid, starting with the life-altering black-and-white images of President John F. Kennedy's funeral.

I'll starve to death before I'll cook for myself.

I'm not a natural comic, I don't think. That's why I gave up stand-up. It was hard. It involved a lot of death. Dying. Dying on stage. But it's one of those jobs you can only learn by doing it.

People deal with grief in many different ways. And some people in show business parade their relationships around like an accessory, and others like to keep it separate from business and commerce. It's perfectly fine to say, 'I actually don't want to talk about my love because that's not part of the fantasy world I created in commerce.'