George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. ”

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. ”

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. ”

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up. ”

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. ”

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill. ”

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. ”

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. ”

At my age flowers scare me. ”

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. ”