Fred Allen

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race. ”

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. ”

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. ”

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. ”

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. ”

Television is the triumph of machine over people. ”