Dennis Miller

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. ”

A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away. ”

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R. ”

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood. ”

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet. ”

We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being. ”

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time. ”

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time. ”

It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity. ”