Chelsea Handler

There was never a moment when I was like, 'I'm going to enter the public conversation on the importance of female nudity.' ”

I have a huge impact with young girls. Young women. That's my demographic. ”

I once waited on a group of 10 people, and one guy collected the money from the check and tipped me $20 on $600. I told him in front of everyone, 'Jews like you give Jews like me a bad name.' That was my last waitressing job. ”

I like the minute when I can get off the stage and go home, and I know I've done a good job. ”

The next step for me is not 'The Tonight Show.' That's a job for Jimmy Fallon. I'm way too divisive for a show like that. ”

I don't pretend to be a great interviewer; I don't even pretend to be good at my job. ”

Jennifer Aniston is one of the most down-to-earth, low-key people I know. ”

E! has just become a sad, sad place to live. They don't know what they're doing; they have no ideas... everything they do just is a failure. ”

I try not to apologize, especially publicly. That's a slippery slope, because I'm a comedian. If you take anything I'm saying too seriously, then you shouldn't be paying attention in the first place. If you find me offensive, don't follow me. ”

The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting. ”