Brian Celio

Dear disgruntled artists: the key to success isn't kicking down the door; it's building your own. ”

I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home? ”

You might not be able to stomach it, but as long as you can mind it, your heart will be all right. ”

Just because you're upfront with someone doesn't mean you're an honest person; you might just be someone in the passenger seat. ”

Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary. ”

What's love if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get back once lost? What's hate if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get rid of once found? ”

Just because you're scarred for life doesn't mean you should be scared to live. ”

Maybe the best way to get people to be pro-life is to start 'em off in amateur-life. ”

I imagine the life of an atheistic praying mantis to be rather torturous. ”

Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart. ”