Charlie Brooker

Our metropolises are blighted by two problems: a lack of public transport and a lack of public loos.

People always assume I went to public school, which I didn't, so that immediately puts me somewhere.

I'm no financial expert. I scarcely know what a coin is. Ask me to explain what a credit default swap is, and I'll emit an unbroken 10-minute 'um' through the clueless face of a broken puppet. You might as well ask a pantomime horse.

Like bankers, top footballers are massively overpaid, but at least you comprehend what they're doing for the money.

Tinder is the ultimate gamification of romance. It's 'Pokemon Go' for the heart.

Online, you play at being yourself.

A cupcake is just a muffin with clown puke topping.

It must be awful, being a homophobe.

MasterChef' delivers all the reassuring, cadenced repetition of an endless chore without any of the bothersome elbow grease.

I'm scared about everything. I'm an anxious worrier. I worry about the downside of everything.

On 'Black Mirror,' we don't tend to deal with big, powerful people, because when you look at a Weinstein or something, you think, 'Is he capable of feeling anything?'

I loved 'Get Out.'