P. J. O'Rourke

Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway instead of doing something worthwhile for his country.

I'm really tired of virtue.

I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.

I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words.

Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances.

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

Liberals have invented whole college majors - psychology, sociology and women's studies - to prove that nothing is anybody's fault.

There's a love of rhetorical skill in the Muslim world. Osama bin Laden doesn't just go on tape cassettes and say, 'America sucks.' He recites poetry; he finds things that 'America sucks' rhymes with.

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.

The divorce rate in 1946 was higher than it ever had been and as high as it ever would be until the '70s. The reason was that prior relationships had not endured the strain of war.

People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively.