Michelle Wolf

I got a third-degree ankle sprain practicing long jump. I never fully recovered. That was my first heartbreak. I thought track was going to be something that was going to happen in my life. It never went in the direction I wanted it to, no matter how hard I tried.

I always think about my jokes as like I'm driving down a street, trying to go into all the culs-de-sacs along the way. I'm just taking a thoughtful, weird journey.

I'm so lucky that I found comedy and that I get to do it for a living.

Taking a night off from comedy to go on a date with someone I'm probably not going to like anyway sounds like the worst trade-off in my mind.

Some comedy has turned into, 'Donald Trump's bad, isn't he?' That's a true statement. But where is your joke?

Before comedy, I worked at a tech company, and before that, I worked on Wall Street. And, honestly, I've never really been sexually harassed.

Comedy, in my opinion, is best when it's in the gray, and you're kind of pushing people's thoughts that they sort of had but never vocalized. And I think a joke is not good if someone says something, and immediately people are clapping because they're like, 'Yes! That is how I feel as well!'

I think Trump is terrible for comedy. A lot of people say he is great. He's not. You can't joke a joke.

It's one thing to be funny in a tweet. It is another to be funny for an hour.

I was a kinesiology major in college, which is exercise science. Then, I was either going to get my Ph.D. or go to medical school, but I was kind of burned out after school.

There's a lot of nuances to stand-up that you definitely see when you watch someone like Chris Rock in that his body position is also part of why the joke works.

It's important for people to, instead of automatically assuming everything the opposite side says is incorrect, you have to at least listen and see why someone might feel a certain way.