Mark Twain

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts.

The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

I never smoke to excess - that is, I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.