Mark Twain

We have the best government that money can buy.

In 'Huckleberry Finn,' I have drawn Tom Blankenship exactly as he was. He was ignorant, unwashed, insufficiently fed; but he had as good a heart as ever any boy had.

I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.