Joe Rogan

I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.

Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.

Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get.

Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.

I think that one of the reasons why people look towards the end of humanity is that people are afraid to die alone. If you die alone, the people you love will miss you, or if they die, you miss them - the sorrow is inevitable. When you truly love someone, the thought of losing them forever is horrible.

Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that's why everybody loved him so much.

Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.

I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts.

To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.

So many times I've done a CD, and then the week after I record it, I've got this new tagline that's killer. And it makes the whole bit better. It happens all the time. But that's just the process of comedy.