Joan Rivers

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

I just get such a connection from an audience. You play with them. I get mad at them. I yell at them. They yell at me. It's just fun.

I never dwell on what happened. You can't change it. Move forward. Don't waste your energy on being angry at something that somebody did six months ago or a year ago. It's over. Done. Move forward.

I do a lot of lectures on survival. I always say you can't change what happened, so have a little wallow, feel very sorry for yourself, and then get up and move forward. You can't change what happened.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

My audiences get younger all the time.

If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.

Being Jewish has always been important to me. I now have 6M tattooed on the inside of my left arm. It's only a half-inch, but every time anyone sees it, they're reminded of the six million who perished, and so am I.