Joan Rivers

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

Reading should be a pleasure, not a chore.

Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.

I've learned from my dealings with Johnny Carson that no matter what kind of friendship you think you have with people you're working with, when the chips are down, it's all about business.

Trust me, there's not one night a week I'm not in a theater somewhere. I adore theater, and I go out with friends, so I do have some nights off.

I live very well, but I support a lot of relatives.

Your child is never not your child. You can be 90 and your mother 120, but your mother is still worried about you.

I hate old people, I hate children. I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.

I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

I was not an attractive child.