Jimmy Fallon

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food.

Have fun' is my message. Be silly. You're allowed to be silly. There's nothing wrong with it.

I like being absurd. Being silly.

I like doing energetic things.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

Thank you, hard taco shells, for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

I honestly, purposely have not gone to therapy because I know some crazy stuff's going to be dragged up and, you know, I'll be like, 'Wait, what?'

My wife and I got engaged in New Hampshire at this lake house that her family's had forever, and it's on Lake Winnipesaukee. And so we went there every summer as we were dating.

There's always going to be someone out there... who doesn't believe in you or who thinks your head is too big or you're not smart enough. But those are the people you need to ignore, and those are the times you need to just keep doing what you love doing.

I'd be nothing without my wife. She's the coolest. She's the greatest. She is the smartest. She's the funniest. I love her so much. She's like the - it's like your best friend for the rest of your life.

I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep.

Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one.