Ambrose Bierce

To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.

Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.

Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.