All Quotes

I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian. ”

How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican. ”

Men are superior to women, for one thing they can urinate from a speeding car. ”

Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale. ”

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it. ”

Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars. ”

I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is. ”

Every science begins as philosophy and ends as art. ”

To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy. ”

There have been only 268 of the past 3,421 years free of war. ”