Alexandra Petri

No generation has escaped it - one morning, your skill with the eight-track or the record player or the cotton gin suddenly ceases to impress. It's just one of those inevitable disappointments that come with growing up, like the realization that Santa doesn't exist or the way that music always takes a turn for the worse after you turn 30. ”

Some information is important, and some is not, and intelligence consists in knowing one from the other. ”

Once, as my New Year's Resolution, I telephoned the Extenze Male Enhancement hotline every day for a month. ”

Good laughs melt out of memory pretty quickly. ”

At Harvard, where students tend to respond to real-world celebrities with the vague sense that they could do a better job themselves, the recipe for celebrity is complex. ”

Journalists run many risks. It comes with the profession. ”

My goal is to be weirder than everybody else and hope that no one stops me. So far, no one has. ”

I am a millennial. Destruction is all I know. I no longer care what I wipe from the face of the Earth. ”

How many stories do you know about people cooped up in places because of deep snowfall? How many stories where something good happens to those people? ”

As long as cantankerous old people have existed, they have complained that kids nowadays don't seem to know anything. ”