So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

I've got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect!

Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fire place.

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

I enjoy romantic comedies in general. I like them when they're bad, I like when they're good.

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom.

For much of the final decade of the 20th century, one story regularly dominated the news across much of the developed world. It was the unravelling of the marriage between the heir to the British throne and his beautiful, charismatic princess, Diana.

In marriage do thou be wise: prefer the person before money, virtue before beauty, the mind before the body; then thou hast a wife, a friend, a companion, a second self.