I wasn't allowed to watch regular television when I was growing up, only PBS, so I watched 'Masterpiece Theatre' and a lot of Jane Austen. I loved stories where the girl is attracted to a man and it looks like it's not going to work out.

When you're an actress, there are only a few times you can really get paid. One of them is doing a sequel. They can't fake you or hire another actor to play you.

I'm so lucky I got a career in my 30s because these young girls aren't allowed to have their 20s. It's all being documented.

The one thing that has helped sustain my career as an actress and a comedian is that people generally view me as fundamentally stupid.

Love is not weakness. It is strong. Only the sacrament of marriage can contain it.

Married life is the same as dating life, except now you have a ring, and the state of California has a vested financial interest in the outcome of your marriage.

When blue-eyed Donald Trump married hazel-eyed Ivana Zelnickova, he probably figured his broad-shouldered DNA would dominate her girly alleles. But genetics played a cruel trick on Trump: Of the couple's three children, only the youngest, Eric, wound up with his father's fishy blue eyes.

I'm the kind of person you want to kill. I had an incredibly happy childhood. I married a terrific guy when I was 23. I have great, well-adjusted kids. Sometimes my husband and I look at each other and do a little jig in the kitchen. This is the best life.